Divorce for Future Generations?

By Sarah Uribe

Updated May 12, 2021

Although divorce is a common thing in American society- with 40% to 50% of first marriages ending in divorce- how it affects those involved is hardly spoken about. Those involved can include the spouses as well as any children they may have conceived together. Now, it is important to recognize that in some instances divorce is the better option. What I am going to be talking about is how divorce affects the children’s likelihood of ending up a long term successful relationship after experiencing a not so long term relationship from their parents.

Some of the ways in which children’s lives can change include loss of communication with one of the parents, changes in quality of education and overall opinions about marriage as sociologist Kristin Bennett mentioned in her journal.

Does this mean that if you come from a divorced household that you are doomed? Not exactly. Although there are many possible negative outcomes of coming from divorced households, there are ways in which parents can co parent effectively and prevent negative consequences.

Here are some useful tips for co parenting → 7 Tips for Co-Parenting After Divorce

The major reason that may change an individual’s opinions about marriage are the relationships that were established with the parents after divorce. — Assuming that the child is in their developmental or adolescent ages of course — It is common for the child to lose contact with the parent who does not have sole custody. This concept is known as Parental Estrangement. Parental estrangement can result due to many reasons, one of the most common, in my opinion, being negative talk about said parent for whatever reason it may be. Maybe that parent cheated or probably just didn’t pick up their dirty socks. In Benjamin R. Karney’s article in the Journal of Marriage&Family established that not all couples who divorce do it because something crazy happened sometimes couples just want to start over or simply get bored of each other.

Whatever the reason may be — what is most influential to someone’s opinion of marriage is the relationship they had with their parents. In a study that was done, it was found that child parent relationships affect boys differently than it affects girls. Men who experience a detached relationship with their mothers or fathers don’t seem to be affected by it in their own romantic relationships. When a woman has a detached relationship-specifically with her father- it is at times reflected on to her own romantic relationships.

This is where attachment styles tie in. Without getting into too much detail, attachment styles are essential when it comes to finding someone whom you are compatible with. However, attachment styles are formed in early developmental years from ages 2–6 and can be impacted by parental divorce around those ages. There are three different types including Anxious attachment, Avoidant attachment and secure attachment which you can read about more here.

Below you can also find a link to a quiz that can help you determine what type of attachment style you have.

Psychology Today’s Relationship Attachment Style Test

Although men and women’s ideas of marriage are not very different, some people marry in terms of how much they love their partner. According to this article released earlier this year by Psychology Today, it is beneficial to relationships and marriages to marry someone that you are simply “content” with. Also known as the “Good Enough partner”. Marriage isn’t always about fiery, passionate love sometimes it is better to have a good enough partner in order to make it a lasting marriage.

After considering all the research, coming from divorced parents doesn’t necessarily mean that the children will not marry or result in divorce. — There is hope after all! However, it is important for parents to maintain a healthy relationship with their children and find a way to co-parent effectively and to make sure their children feel loved and supported after the divorce.

If you would like to learn more about this topic stay tuned for my research paper!